Expectation kills

Expectation kills
how many times i've remind myself.but yet,i still expect from others.

it kills
it leads to frustration and leads to a so no wise actions


don't expect from people.
do your job
if they don't want to do it,do yours,no comment,keep it to yourself
Allah is looking and He is never cruel
always loving and knows the best


I'm in no time going to give birth to the second child soon
This time around,during maryam's birth,I'm not working,less stress
Happier life

But now,I'm working,and the stress is piling up
New sem,new subject and new students
preparation for the maternity leave.
Balancing life between work,a mother and a wife

Quite stressfull

Because I expect
I expect people to help me alot because I'm heavily pregnant
But no.people dont know how u feel.how tired you are.
How stress u are
Only u and Allah knows.

So stop expecting people to help
To give ways
Because the simply dont know

Be strong, do things u did like u wasnt pregnant
Ask Allah for strength.to continue this life

ya Allah,make it easy this time
give me strength to cater all the responsibility
help me to expect less.or yes
no expectation is better.

First kick 2015

So it's now 2015

man that's a long haul since my last post.

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for Allah's give.
through islam,family,friends,health and wealth.

1/1/2014 marks the starting of my journey as housewife..
but yeah..being an active homosapien, I totally not good at sitting in the house doing nothing productive except for reading quran,cooking and eating..sometimes i do the laundry and the other time, cleaning the house

so I started to search for new jobs.Job that is more flexible than an engineer.
I got enought with being an engineer in any factory huuu

So the journey started with being a interpreter for Prof XXX from kanazawa dai.
It was tough.
tougher than i thot.
but the pay is worth. The experience is priceless.
But well,from that i know that I can't be a good interpreter. Let alone a translator huhuh
It's only 4 days.but it's really fun and in the same time tiring with my 6months old preganancy

So I gave up searching for job as a translator.
I change my "search keyword" to education
I've sent resume to few taska and tadika but well...the pay is too low..
Man, mana la x dtg kes dera bayi...kalau kerja dr 7am to 6pm with a pay of 900?
Huuuuuu

And  alhmdulillah and idea came.
My naqibah is going to give birth so I can replace her for 2 months in SR*M

Alhamdulillah I finally found the job I like.
The job I enjoy doing.
Not just the teaching process, but doing things for students such as decorate their class,motivation and so on..
but after few weeks,,hahaha


I know I can't handle kids.
They are just uncontrollable. Not to include the hyper-active ones.
But hey, I love them despite their perangai.
But I'm not doing enough justice if I keep on being a teacher for them as I'm not good at it.


So I end my journey as primary school teacher.

I gave birth. A really painful experience. I'll write about it in another post.

The 3rd day after labor, I got an offer as a lecturer in UTeM.
Which I've been thinking from 2011.after I grad my bachelor degree.
Which I've went to the interview during 9months of pregnancy
Which interview I can't answer and doesn't have enough confident to answer

Huhuhu and now,here I am, with 129 exam scripts to mark.
But I love this job, It's flexibility,Until when?

Allah knows better.=)

*am thinking to write often.To wirte is to read. huuu

kisah cendawan

td masak nasi goreng

nyummy!

tapi terlupa letak cendawan awal2.
so bile dh letak nasi baru terperasan cendawan n i was like...oh my~

tp campak gak cendawan yg telah di potong itu.then mcm nyesal gile.

sebab cdangnya nk buat nasi goreng yg sedap.kalau cendawan di campak bukan pada masanya,mesti hasil nasi goreng jd xsedap sgt...

nyesal dan marah kat diri sbb selalu hentam je

but then...


bila dh makan,wallla!sedap rupenye
rupenye cendawan xyah lelama
rupenye cukup dgn kepanasan,cendawan sudah lembut dan serap rasa


subhanallah!u never know which mistakes that lead u to a great success kan ^^

dan saya baru tahu,rupanya kalau masak, perlu tambah gula utk sedapkan rasa juga=P

dan bawang yang byk,it will never failed u to have a great taste alhamdulilllah!

Allah bg sedap.sy tukang masak je heee

sekian bebelan pd diri sndiri

bable

haritu mcm nak sangat jd translator kan
katenye engineer xkena dengan jiwa
lecturer?
terlalu tidak sesuai pada umur yg masih muda
translator senang sebab hanya bekerja dgn komputer

nah

sekarang kene translate journal
xhabis seperenggan otak dan separuh beku
tangan dah melalut buat benda lain
buku "aku seorg muslim" jauh lebih menarik

manusia

kehidupan

apa sebenarnya kau nak jadi kawan?

2013 seems so clear but in the same time seems soo blur
new phase new phase new phase
what shall we do to spend time together?

jika kalah lebih baik..

kalau menang bererti ada yang terluka
lebih baik mengalah sahaja

walau menang selalu buat kita rasa lebih bahagia
tapi menang di atas kelukaan sesorang
itu mungkin makna kurangnya kasih dalam jiwa
kurangnya itsar
lantas penanda aras kurang iman..

ya.
jika kalah lebih baik dr menang dan ada yg terluka..
apa salahnya di lihat kalah di mata manusia..

(applicable for certain circumstances shj.bukan semua dalam hidup..)

bermimpilah!

Mimpi adalah kunci
Untuk kita menaklukkan dunia
Berlarilah tanpa lelah
Sampai engkau meraihnya

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa
Warnai bintang di jiwa

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersyukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Selamanya...
Cinta kepada hidup
Memberikan senyuman abadi
Walau hidup kadang tak adil
Tapi cinta lengkapi kita

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Jangan berhenti mewarnai
Jutaan mimpi di bumi

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersyukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Selamanya...

Selamanya...

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu...

oh I love my ...

I love my life!


I love how complicated my mind are.doing the thinkings and making decisions

I love the feeling after I made my decisions

I love how every hurdle lead me to another big suprise

I love how i feel helpless during time, when effort seems to contribute nothing

I love my friends and my family

my big family,my small family, my siblings,my in bracket family,,in bracket siblings,sisters and anyone i meet,met and be friend with



oh I love my life and my destiny.

Allah,u sure have much more suprise ahead kan?

I just have to be a little bit patient,and do my solah more often.

And above all,I just have to have faith in u,that all the destiny are bringing me closer to u.not further from u



because after all,u are the MOST GRACIOUS and the MOST MERCIFUL right?


oh I love my life and I know, I love U.and I hope I will always do
 (bcoz even death can"t break us apart =))

Hai orang-orang yang berfirman, mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan sabar dan shalat, sesungguhnya Allah beserta orang-orang yang sabar.” (2: 153).

jan2012-->lajunye masa..

mixed feeling

a blast weekend alhamdulillah tho not going anywhere
and more people are getting married!of course di malaysia
barakallhulakuma=)) i`m soo happy i can`t even write it in words

a lesson learned this week is,how far do we understand the meaning of friendship?
or we called it ukhwah fillah
valid utk org yg islam je ke?

my friendship were tested this week huhuh bukan dgn org yg sama akidah tp berlainan
personally mmg la rasa ada jarak dgn mereka krn akidah,but then they are still my friend kan?
and shouldn`t i make this friendship ukhwah fillah too?mcm lg la sgt perluuu!sbb perlu dan penting sgt spy mereka merasa keindahan islam kan?huhu

my best friend of all the  friend here give a message telling her story and how she needs me that time
dan sy mcm..ala malasnye..sbb masa tu tgh dgn org msia dan obviously lebih jauh sgt indah la kan dgn org msia  dr jepun..
we talk the same language,have the same wavelength,know the same topic and jokes,and etc etc

but she needs me more
the problem is not that big for us a muslim as we have ALLAH
(afterall mmg xde big problem la kan supposenye?)
but who does they have?
at the first thought,mcm malas nk pergi
tapi at the second thought,i know this is from ALLAH and ALLAH must have something to teach me
so i went there and meet her..
and we talk=) and xde masalah besar pun cume tu la..
she needs someone to talk to..

the lesson is
if we need someone to talk to when we have ALLAH
what makes any different,having a faith or not kan?

if we understand the real meaning of ukhwah fillah,we should have love our not-yet-muslim friend more,as they need our love and care more!much more!more more and more=(
oh susah nya...sbb mslhnye ialah malas ckp bhs jepun=(
plus x cukup kreatif nk berckp topic2 yg lebih `besar` huhu

and...

Dan janganlah orang-orang yang mempunyai kelebihan dan kelapangan di antara kamu bersumpah bahwa mereka [tidak] akan memberi [bantuan] kepada kaum kerabat [nya], orang-orang yang miskin dan orang-orang yang berhijrah pada jalan Allah, dan hendaklah mereka mema’afkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kamu tidak ingin bahwa Allah mengampunimu? Dan Allah adalah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang [1]. (24:22) 

 

Allah tegur abu bakr dalam ayat ni,semasa kisah fitnah saidatina aishah..
even utk org yg mefitnah punALLAH tegur abu bakr jgn hentikan bantuan 
so?anda yg ada kelapangan masa,tenaga dan erk..ermm..hati?why it`s so hard to help others?

the sunshine is there.u just have to remove the clouds

hari ini tulisan mungkin agak bersepah

this few days or should i say weeks?
I`m a bit down with something..
somehow dalam hati ckp,when people were happy,why can`t i be happy too?
why the path for me is wayyy much harder than others when I think it should be easier for me?considering all the factors..
but then,when ALLAH says it is like what He says,tak de siapa boleh halang

it`s hard to keep on calm and bersabar dan what so ever kan?
tapi perkara yg ALLAH katekan tidak akan terjadi pasti tidak akan terjadi

but Yes.ALLAH ni mmg sgt maha pemurah,penyayang dan memang sangat sangat dekat dengan kita.dengan saya

kesabaran sebenarnya sgt tipis but i know i can do nothing except for what almost everyone do when they fell hopeless..T_T

lalu saya yakinkan diri,bahawa takdir ALLAH itu cantik.saya cube sgt sgt sgt yakinkan diri,ALLAh sedang mentrbiyah saya sesuatu.sesuatu hikmah yg jauh dr pengetahuan akal fikiran.walau sy fikir dalam mcm mana pun sy xkan dpt figure out hikmah tersebut

and i live my life as usual but deep inside there`s still this `i want that thing to happen` kind of feeling.
and subhanllah

bila saya fikir sy lah manusia yg tidak gembira dan sedih
Allah hadiahkan saya kegembiraan dan kasih syg itu melalui hamba hambanya yg sgt menyintai ALLAH
adik2 yg best dan subhanallah why my eyes were soo blind of their love?
dan akhwat yg...sgt sweet super sweet=)
in 2days,ia menghapus kesedihan utk berminggu=)


i have them and they are my love.so why should i bother being sad and keep on x bersabar dgn ujian ALLAH?hikmah nya mmg ada .pasti ada!
cuma cara kita menjalani ujian itu,shows how bersyukur we are dengan ALLAH

bile dpt ujian kurang sabar kan?
tapi sbnrnye lupe dgn nnikmat yg sgt banyak sampaikan kalau di compare dgn ujian itu ia sgt kerdil dan tidak layak di panggil ujian lagi

so?
keep on bersabar dan mencari hikmah di sebalik takdir ALLAH
He knows well.well enough!
-the sunshine is there.u just have to remove the clouds-
*clouds=perkara yg menghalang kita melihat cahaya itu.as in dosa?

dream?hurm..

i`ve been looking to the past too much

dan saya terlupa saya yg dahulu

yg suka bermimpi jauh.mimpi sgt jauh.setinggi langit.melebihi langit.

tapi sekrang?
i can`t even dream

everything seems soo blur
i don`t even have a dream any more.

what should i be next
where i want to be next


a blur dream led to a an unproductive life
when i don`t have an aim.i can`t really proceed

that`s an `iiwake` for a...unproductive research?huhuh

ok fine.
go and dream something big
big enough to push u to work on your dunya.
sigh.

amanah

tanggungjawab yang bertimbun
walaupun kecil
jika di endahkan,boleh menjadi menjadi timbunan besar

mungkin...


mungkin saja..

 itu yg menjadi penyebab semakin lemahnya iman
semakin hitamnya hati..

kerana meninggalkan amanah yg disangka hanya satu amanah yg boleh diletak tepi dan buat bila dah xbusy

dan kamu wahai anak adam..akan dipertanggungjawabkan atas apa yg kamu di amanahkan...

it`s soo random

There`s soo many things happened the last 2weeks

had a daurah which gather everyone in my area
I`m not really into it actually..entahla.
i guess we are being too loose over here with the basis of this deen..
`loose` that only i could understand
but keep bersangka baik.sangka baik dan teruskan bersangka baik
insya ALLAh satu hari kita yg mampu dan boleh mengubahnya..insya ALLAH biiznillah

after daurah,dengan seribu satu perasaan,rush to where `bulatan gembira` utk mereka ...
been a while since my last visit.In a way,I really did abandon them for a while..I`m sorry dear.I`m really..
Dan seperti biasa,cahaya cahaya pendukung agama ALLAH itu tidak pernah mengecewakan
raut muka mereka
respon mereka
kemanisan wajah mereka menyambut
dan kegigihan mereka menghantr pulang

may ALLAH guide u my dear.may ALLAH guide u.even with me or without me..

and life goes on without problems

and another bulatan gembira which really as it named
subhanallah walhamdulillah a`la kulli hal
tuhan yang mepersatukan hati kami
terus tetapkan kami di atas jalan ini

arrafiq ku..
andai satu hari,hijab aib kakak mu ini terbuka
ampun kan khilaf ku,terima aku seadanya..
aku manusia,jauh dr seorang malaikat

oh and last but not least
I`m in love.in love with those books
i really think ind*nesia does have the best kosa kata,phrases dan susnan ayat.
indeed,tafsir al quran bhs ind*esia jauhhh lebih `zup` masuk ke dalam hati dr bhs msia..
i wonder why..

p/s:hanzalah,it`s just about time!it`s just about time!another 2exams and I`m an official driver having my hanzalah and flying without wings!!(sekrng pun dh bw tp unofficial=P).semoga hanzalah bisa jadi hanzalah yg menginfakkan diri utk Islam..=)

walimah lagi dan lagi

waa...friends are getting married and engaged
barakallahulakumafikum...
semoga  menjadi landasan kpd mendekati ALLAH dgn lebih baik insya ALLAH

i think i have to go through those books again
to remind me that marriage is not a small thing
yet not that big to delay just because u aren't prepared
it's a lifetime big risky thing to do

and yet
it's the biggest tawakal in the name of ALLAH
because we never know to whom we are giving our life to
but we know that ALLAH has destinied it for us,and from ALLAH alone shall we hope for that happiness
insya ALLAH..

random

subhanllah alhamdulillah wallahuakbar

this is by far,the best eid celebration i`ve ever had
Looking forward for the next eid celebration=)
semoga dikurniakan kesihatan yg baik untuk melaluinya insya ALLAH


and sis,
i miss u.
i just.miss u .suddenly.right after i read your sudden message out of nowhere wishing me happy eid mubarak.
tq for the `out of nowhere` messgae in the morning.it makes my day.
I should do it to others too kan huhuh
simple
maybe a simple `salam,ohayou!have a nice day`,can make people smile for the whole day
who knows.


and u.out of nowhere call at night,make my night too!jzkk!
looking forward for a lovely tomorrow morning

mudahkanlah urusan saudaramu

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a Nabi SAW bersabda :

“Barang siapa melepaskan seorang mukmin dari kesusahan hidup di dunia, niscaya Allah akan melepaskan darinya kesusahan di hari kiamat, barang siapa memudahkan urusan (mukmin) yang sulit nescaya Allah akan memudahkan urusannya di dunia dan akhirat. Barang siapa menutup aib seorang muslim, maka Allah akan menutup aibnya di dunia dan akhirat. Allah akan menolong seorang hamba, selama hamba itu sentiasa menolong saudaranya.” – Imam Muslim


I know this hadith sejak kecil
it have been the hadith of my life eversince i heard about it

Kalau nak belajar cemerlang,kene tolong orang
kalau nak exam senang,kene tolong orang
kalau nak kaya cepat,kene tolong orang
sebab saya tahu kalau saya tolong orang,ALLAH akan tolong saya untuk dapatkan senarai di atas
Jadi saya setkan mind kene tolong orang
*but unfortunately menolong ibu,adik dan kaka tidak termasuk dalam list menolong org muslim ketika itu.dush.

Tapi alhamdulillah,xpernah lg saya kene tolong orang dalam keadaan saya tidak mahu menolong
ermmm
to think back.eh ada huhuh
bila datang penyakit malasnyaaaa

Tapi minggu ni ,ALLAH betul2 uji keyakinan saya dengan hadis tersebut
Seseorang yg rapat telah meminta tolong bukan sahaja sehari,tapi hampir setiap hari dalam minggu ini
bukan juga 10minit untuk satu bantuan tapi menuntut 1jam lebih..
and plus I have to go through phone calls in japanese,yg mmg la kdg2 saya xberapa suka walaupun faham je.
It's just that i don"t feel like talking in japanese for this week?
And with the answering machine system?it doesn't help at all!

Tapi
Saya manusia biasa yang selalu perasan bz
Sangat2 la malas nak tolong,sangat2 la berat hati
Tapi tarbiah ALLAH tu sweet

Bila nk reply msg nak cakap saya ada hal,ALLAH ingatkan saya..
ini kan dakwah..
xingat ke hadis tu..
adakah engkau tidak mahu dimudahkan urusanmu oleh Allah?

Kebetulan minggu ni mmg ada satu program yang sgt besar gemilang.
And no one can make it possible,without ALLAH's help
Tapi dalam kehidupan seharian pun mmg sangat memerlukan pertolongan ALLAH kan?

And yes.I just have to do it.Bukan salah org yg meminta bantuan
Tapi ssalah saya
Ini tarbiah dari ALLAH
mengajar saya untuk bersabar dan ikhlas,sebenar benar ikhlas dalam rangka saya memohon pertolongan ALLAH

Mulut doa nk ALLAh mudahkan urusan,tp bila ALLAH offfer mcm dalam hadis ni,tolak pulak

nak ke xnk sbnrnye?huhuh

wallahualam

.

jujur
ikhlas
sangka baik sangka baik sangka baik

sympathy and empathy..
macam mana nak buat kalau kita tidak melalui kesusahan yg sama?

sangka baik.

hanzalah

alhamdulillah dah lepas L!
org malaysia yg baca mesti gelak

but Allah knows how hard it is to even get an L for your license kat negara serba mengikut peraturan ni

xlama lagi boleh la drive ke sana ke mari!insya ALLAH..

tadi terfikir ttg makhluk merah itu.
kecil,buruk dah usang dan lama
it have been serving the malaysian in this area for years.
more than 5years
umur sebenarnya lebih dr 15tahun ketika dibeli.how old..huhu

dan ALLAH telah mengizinkan utk saya jadi pemiliknya after the last owner went back to malaysia

thinking of naming it hanzalah!
sahabat yg sedia berangkat walaupun baru bernikah hari pertama!
lalu dimandikan malaikat saat syahidnya dia..
sahabat yg juga merasa dirinya munafik kerana mudah leka bila tidak bersama rasulullah..

semoga makhluk ALLAH kecil merah itu mampu menjadi hanzalah
sedia berangkat bersama tuannya,hingga saat terakhir hayatnya..

make it easy ya ALLAH for me and my hanzalah..

time

Time never heals
after years ignoring the problem
I have to face it now

I thought time could heal it and left me alone
Without having to solve it or face it

But NO
A BIG NO
because time never do heals anything
they just make the problem more complicated

If I knew this 4years ago,
I might have solve it that moment.
Face it and put an end to it

But yes dear,it's now.
Face it now,
If u face it years ago,U might have face it alone,without begging for HIS help

so?
alhamdulillah.
let's put an end to it before this summer holiday ends.

Aku pernah merasa perasaan itu..
terbang bebas sebebas bebasnya
rindu serindu rindunya
berpaut teguh,seperti tidak mahu dilepaskan selamanya
berbicara sentiasa
tidak betah utk berpaling walau seketika

pada zat yg Maha kuasa

tapi rasa itu sudah tiada dan aku sangat mendambakannya
rasa yang mengerakkan anggota anggota
yang melapangkan jiwa jiwa
yang meruntun hati hati yang kering dan berlengah lengah

AKU INGIN MENJADI LUAR BIASA

pada ALLAH semata
Ikhlas kerana Nya

cinta dan rindu serindu rindunya
seperti kebahagiaan ini tiada hujungNya

rasa itu sudah hilang..
hialng dalam sibuknya aku pada dunia
pada pandangan manusia
pada pengharapan dan kebahagiaan makhluk yang tiada kuasa

kembalikan aku pada rasa yang lama
jika boleh untuk selamanya...

kembalikan aku pada rasa yang lama....

-april6-

yuki need yuuki to get through it

sekarang dh masuk winter
and snow start to fall...day after day..

i and my thesis is becoming much closer to each other.huhu.
guess it`s the time of the year.akhir tahun.kerja semakin byk.(konon...)

salji ni kadang kadang memang ramai xsuka
but the scenery masa die turun,
masha ALLAH subhanallah...mcm kapas ....
serene and too beautiful.
the picture above could tell you a little bit how beautiful the scenery is.
taken last year right after salji lebat dengan kak hus.owh i miss her.

i dont know what i`m rambling here.
oh.watched a video.byk sgt org like menyebabkan saya rasa nk tgk.

its soo true..hati ni macam sehelai bulu yg sedang terbang.sekejap depan sekejap blakang.
it changes too fast.
in one second u r  ambitious
the other second your heart is full with evil
today u might be a happy-go-lucky
but u might be down the other day..

huhuh
tapi yg paling bahaya bile yg berbolak balk ialah iman di dalam hati
in one time u felt sooo close to HIM
the other time u might feel far...too far and u r just too lazy to get nearer

watch out!
being far from Him and u can feel it, might be some sign that u have done some sin..
knock yourself

get up,and ask yourself what have i done?
ask ALLAH coz HE knows your heart better than u...

cuba buang keterikatan hati yang menjauh kan dirimu dari ALLAH yg maha suci
cuba jauhi perkara yang boleh mendedahkan kamu kepada dosa yg mengotorkan hati
sedang kamu tahu perkara itu tidak baik bagi hati mu...

and this is for me.who is the most close to what i write here

and subject on heart is what i love most from the beginning until now.

sebab xpernah berjaya menawan hati ...
ia pasti berjaya menawan semula diri dan ruh yg lemah ini
sedang dalam usaha membuang keterikatan hati pada entah apa2...

dan jika anda salah satu dr keterikatan di dalam hati sy,maafkan jika saya menjauh=)

joking!sahabiyah2 are people i dont want to get rid from my heart.and ALLAH knows how much they help me to get nearer to HIM=)

**dah lama xbukak buku bagaimana menyentuh hati by abbas assisi.and i think my heart is becoming the long lost cold hearted person like i was before.i`m sorry for those yg terkena kesannye.trying to be more concern here=)))